The Bible 2: Part one: God checks his diary.
God looked down upon Earth. It had been eons since He’d last surveyed his creation in detail, over two thousand years at least. So he put on His glasses to do this, because His eyesight was not quite what it once was. In the intervening years since He checked on Earth, He’d been busying himself with the expansion of the Universe, but now, according to his diary, it was time to check Earth.
Man was made in God’s image so God could easily walk on Earth amongst men without detection, so he could interact and observe his favourite of all creations. The original idea was to inspire in humanity a kindness for strangers, to have humans treating each other like they were actually with God, because for all they knew they might be, but humanity never quite got this and started robbing and killing each other instead.
God had always hated the religious buildings erected in His honour and couldn’t stand the people who used them, which is why nearly everyone who worships God in this way is not granted access to His Kingdom when their Earthly life ends. It has become something of a principle to God to keep these people out.
Snivelling grots, is what God likes to call people who worship Him, hypocrites of the highest order who think they can carry on in any way they wish and still gain entry to Heaven by ass kissing. The only time God ever enjoyed religious service was when human sacrifice was involved; because it was so ridiculous it actually became funny to Him, but God only laughed because otherwise He would have cried.
God did not create humanity with the intention humans should worship Him. God is not vain. God has never wanted a fan club, and He was saddened when he checked on Earth that he had many fan clubs all holding different opinions and ideas on what God is.
The Bible 2: Part five: The Hunter
The Bible 2: Part six: God gets called Gandalf
The Bible 2: Part seven: God admits everything is random
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