National Idle Party spring conference

This spring the National Idle Party will not be holding its party conference at the Royal Albert Hall, or at any other venue for that matter. We can’t be bothered. In truth, we can’t really be arsed to type up this statement, and we’re only doing so because it is the realisation that if we don’t, it means slackers, the apathetic and indifferent – the cruelly ignored majority in our society – will continue with having no voice, which has gone on too long now.

National Idle Party members will not be coming together at the conference that does not exist and won’t be discussing the scandalous undemocratic UK voting system that discriminates against the idle by expecting them to turn up to polling stations to cast their vote. In all future elections the National Idle Party want any voter not turning out, who previoulsy would have been classified as a non-voter, to be reclassified as having voted for the National Idle Party.

We (the nation) must understand that doing things generally leads to consequences, and consequences always lead to having to do more things, so probably best to sit down with a nice cup of tea and do nothing in the first place. Why put off till tomorrow when you can ignore it today and hope it goes away?

At the conference that is not happening the party also won’t be discussing:

  • The Middle East and the current crisis in Libya: We all know it’s about the control of oil and, as we are all too aware, oil is treated and made into amongst other things: petrol, and petrol powers vehicles, and vehicles take us to places of work. We’re not falling for that one. We shall disguise our disgust for work and all that entails with environmental waffle disguised as an argument that paints us as the good guys thinking about the children and our children’s children ad infinitum and presents everyone against us as the baddies for draining the planet of its black liquid gold, for getting rich off this, and for continuing to ruin this precious rock floating quietly through space that  is our only known home in the Universe.
  • The economy and why sleeping in and staying up late watching TV or playing video games is good for it.
  • Unemployment and why staying up late watching TV or playing video games is good for it.
  • Education, and why we’d like to see the return of Going for Gold to the daytime TV schedule, as well as various other quizzes. Crosswits, anyone?

The National Idle Party will also not be talking about its need for brand identity. Firstly, because branding is very corporate and boring, and secondly because it is extremely expensive to create a silly logo and slogan (just ask the 2012 Olympic committee), which is why we’d like you to do it for us for free. Simply fill in the comment box below with your suggestions and at some point someone will no doubt read them and we’ll probably get around to selecting one, but I wouldn’t bet on it.

We thought of one slogan for the National Idle Party and then gave up, because the microwave pinged to let us know our pop tarts were ready. Talking of pop tarts, many thanks to the kind people at Pop Cult, Essential Reading Material for the Bathroom magazine for allowing us this platform.

The slogan we thought of btw was: The National Idle Party is the party for the Jason Oranges, Keith Duffys and Mickey Grahams and all the other members of boy and girl bands who just seem to hang around not doing much.

I’m sure you can do better, but remember… don’t try too hard. Hmm, perhaps our slogan should be: The National Idle Party – don’t try too hard.

For further reading on the National Idle Party click here



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