The Bible 2: Part two: God pays off a debt

The Earth was different to the last time God visited, very different, and so too were the people. God walked the surface of the lands He’d made; stopping to speak with the people He’d given life too. God wanted to know them. He read their newspapers, leafed through their magazines and watched numerous television shows and films. It was a journey that lasted a thousand lifetimes and at its end, God determined that humanity had finally lost the plot, gone mad and was speeding towards its own destruction. God blamed himself for events on Earth; His back had been turned for too long.

God had lost the bet; humanity had not developed and flowered as He said it would. Instead, humanity was confused, frightened and spreading like cancer, devouring everything in its path, including itself, just as the Angel Harathesis had predicted. God sent unto the Angel Harathesis three white arrows as payment and a note that read: ‘Okay, I was wrong, but I can fix this, I can, because I am God – double or quits?’

God walked into the Hotel, His mood had been low, but now He exuded a strange sense of perky optimism. As He approached the hotel reception, He could see it was empty, but this did not deter Him from heartily drumming on the wooden desk before ringing the bell for attention.

Stella, for that was her name, appeared from the confines of a back room. Her manner was frosty and she did not attempt to hide her dislike of God. After three minutes of her unhelpfulness, God queried with the woman with why she was being so unreasonable.

Stella called God rude. He was rude for beating his hands as He did on the reception desk. God tried to counter this with talk of being in a good mood and being an affable kind of person, drumming His hands like that was the sort of thing He did when He was happy. In Stella’s mind, God was still rude and she lectured him on this further. God, losing patience, said that it was not Stella’s job to judge and speak with guests on what is rude or not. This did not stop Stella, she continued her lecturing, until God broke in and said ‘you’re American, aren’t you?’ To which, Stella accused Him of not only being rude but of being racist too.

God opened a newspaper that sat on the desk at the side of them both. It fell open on a page that showed a picture of a man who’d undertaken a course of plastic surgery to change himself into a cat. With His hand God urged Stella to look at the picture, once He was satisfied she’d had a long look at the picture; God said ‘don’t tell me what is and isn’t rude.’

The Bible 2: Part one: God checks his diary.

The Bible 2: Part two: God pays off a debt

The Bible 2: Part three: God’s folly

The Bible 2: Part four: Hotel Mishap

The Bible 2: Part five: The Hunter

The Bible 2: Part six: God gets called Gandalf

The Bible 2: Part seven: God admits everything is random


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