Chris de Burgh’s healing hands

Singer Chris de Burgh has said he has healing hands which have “helped reduce pain” for people with injuries.

He told of a golfer who had seriously hurt his leg in an accident, but who began walking again “within 20 minutes” of his form of “alternative therapy”.

“We all have the facilities within our hands to feel other people’s pain spots,” the Irish star told BBC One’s Heaven and Earth programme.

He said his musical work meant he was “connected very strongly” to his hands.

“A guy I met one time – he’d hurt his leg badly in a golfing accident,” the 57-year-old, whose hits include Lady in Red, said.

“He was in serious pain, just below the knee, and I felt the area above had been traumatised.

“I started feeling and I’d say within 20 minutes, he was walking again. It took away the pain.”

He went on: “I think the next day it was still there, throbbing away, it was nowhere as bad, but I have to stress – I think we all have this facility.”

He explained that he had a “spiritual side” and was “convinced we’re surrounded by a strong force” which could be contacted through prayer.

“Where people are desperate, I believe there is all-encompassing strength that we can find,” De Burgh added.

If Chris de Burgh felt my leg for 20 seconds, let alone 20 minutes, I’d be up walking again too. Come to think of it. If he started singing I’d be up on my feet and off.

“Get off my leg, Chris. Get off! Leave me alone. Look, I’ve told you a few times now, take your hands off me. It’s not right, Chris, you a grown man and everything. No, please don’t start singing ‘Lady in red’, not now. That’s it.I’m going to have to leave. I did warn you, but did you listen?”

I don’t think Chris de Burgh is a special case. Can you think of anyone else who, if you were feeling poorly, would only have to enter the room for you to suddenly make a miracle recovery?

Seriously though, well done, Chris, well done. You’ve got those hands that heal. Clone him. Clone him now. If every hospital had a hundred Chris de Burghs, waiting lists would plummet, the NHS could recover. Not only that, but if the hundred Chris de Burghs staged concerts at the hospital as well as doing the healing people bit, then the NHS might even turn in a profit. Clone him now, I say, clone him now.

“What do we want?”
“A hundred Chris de Burghs in our hospitals”
“And when do we want it?”
“NOW!”

Phew! I’m dizzy. Heal me, Chris, heal me. Let’s build a statue of Mr de Burgh, then at certain times of the year it might weep.

You can just imagine that man later on in the evening at home. He’d be lying on the sofa, his leg up because it leg still hurts, and a gathering of friends and family all waiting expectantly to hear his story about meeting Chris de Burgh.

“What was I supposed to say? He just put his hand on my leg and was like that for twenty minutes. I couldn’t very well tell him to clear off. I mean, it was Chris de Burgh! You just don’t tell Chris de Burgh to take his hand off your leg. Or do you?”

“At the end Mr de Burgh did this strange thing and, well, I don’t know whether he was acting or what, but he seemed to go all weak, as if he’d absorbed my pain, which he hadn’t because the pain was still in my leg, and before he hobbled away he whispered in my ear something like ‘You’re healed now. Go back amongst the people, spread joy, happiness, your delight at the gift of life, and, most of all, buy my records and tell people to buy my records, especially the new one.’ With that he was off, hobbling onto somewhere new.”

Hmm, if he has some kind of spiritual healing power, maybe some of it comes across in his music? If people buy his album then maybe this spiritual healing power of his will transcend through the speakers and heal the people listening to it and they will all arrive at the same cosmic revelation: Fuck! There is a whole world out there! What am I doing listening to Chris de Burgh?

Regardless of his healing hands, I think we should clone him for his stylish hair.

I remember Chris (or Christ as he should now indefinitely be known) choosing the ‘Tracks of my Years’ on Radio 2 with the great Ken Bruce.

No Healing Hands by Elton John, but when picking the Byrds version of Mr Tambourine Man as one of his favourite songs Christ modestly informed millions of listeners of the following story surrounding his great hero Bob Dylan.

It happened backstage at a gig when he was lucky enough to bump into Bob. Despite the fact Lady in Red has probably outsold everything Dylan has done put together, Christ felt in awe of the great man and didn’t know what to say.

Fortunately Dylan approached Christ to say that he had one of his albums in the car back home in Minnesota which he listened to all the time while driving and loved his music. Fantastic. The two of them went on to get well and truly ‘smashed’ together that evening.

What a great story. I just wish I could embrace it without the nagging feeling that Dylan thought Christ was in fact Chris Rea.

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